Posted in Parenting, Mom, mom life, mothers, mom blog, mommy, mama, children, toddlers, babies, Uncategorized

The Work NEVER Ends, Accept it!

FullSizeRenderHere’s me sitting around on my ass all day like most SAHM’s! (Back off aggressors, it’s a joke! Keep reading.)

The day never ends! It is a continuous cycle of to-do’s! And I’m lucky, I have help. The hubby helps a lot! I cannot complain, but I can, and I do, WE do, because the work never ends! It literally NEVER ends!

Parenthood!

I know you know what I mean! And lets add to that … school events. Our oldest is in kinder, this is our first year with school events and after school activities (soccer), and friends and the guilt that goes along with not being able to set up play dates because the house isn’t clean and there is so much to do and you’re sooooo…. exhausted and it’s endless and it’s really all just starting a new chapter of a new kind of busy and we can say that we love it,  but do we (large gasp for air)?

That is the exhaustion talking!

When we take a break from the chaos we often find ourselves thinking about that same thing we are taking a break from: looking at pictures and videos of our life, thinking and worrying about our babes, so, yeah, this is parenting! As much as you want to run away at times,  you run right back worried and filled with a whole new love to start the first 10 minutes before you’re ready to run away again for a drink, and sadly I don’t drink, but the hubby has an occasional adult beverage; lucky him!

I think the key here (and I am just learning this after only seven years of it) is that you have to let the to-do’s stay on the list and enjoy things once in a while or you will lose your bananas. I mean, I can’t live in chaos, so I hear that argument, but sometimes you need to leave the chaos of laundry and dishes and diapers and dusting and dinner and … grab something quick so you can sit outside with your family and listen to the birds while your children get completely covered in mud. Let go of the fear that dirt and germs are going to get them and let them live a little (this has been a HUGE struggle for this mom). Let go of the thought about how much work it’s going to be to clean those little buggers off after (you could pull out the hose). You have to be okay with the constant life of dishes and laundry and not allow it to consume you.  How? I can’t be sure, but I think the secret is acceptance. It’s the acceptance that sets us free. Accepting it and allowing it and not trying to completely control it to the point of exhaustion and insanity.

So tonight while I am not feeling overwhelmed and not feeling the pressure of having to live up to a certain standard, I let things stay the way they are: messy! And I feel okay. I feel good. I feel happy! Even with the sink full of dishes, and dirt pretty much all over everything (we have two boys), and laundry (and that could be left out because it’s a given that it never ends), because we had fun today!  The day was busy and exhausting but, we played together. We talked about our summer gardening plans. We sat outside together and ate dinner: a calm mama, two dirty kids, a jolly hubby, and very little care about our ongoing to-do’s.

So take a day to play, and let go if you can. No guilt! No pressure! Just take a day to be and laugh and let the dishes and laundry pile high, they will be there tomorrow no matter what, and that’s okay!

 

Sincerely,

Mean Mama

Posted in Parenting, Mom, mom life, mothers, mom blog, mommy, mama, children, toddlers, babies, Uncategorized

Rant #2

bed-bug-city-map

Current rant … Sooooooo, my son gently told me that he has to bring the stuffed animal that he sleeps with into school for music class next week. Ummmmmmmm?                 Yeah … NO!

Seriously, Music Teacher? Seriously?

Okay, I am that mom! The mom that thinks about the things that maybe you don’t, but I do and I can’t help it, and some of you are thinking it right along with me. I know you are! It’s scary and it can be devastating and I think the music teacher should have thought about it … BED BUGS!

Yeah! I said it! I am guilty of thinking it. Am I being paranoid? I mean, it has been an epidemic, and not just in this state, so please back me if you can with a BIG FAT NO to the music teacher for her very sweet and well-meaning idea of songs by the campfire with our furry sleeping friends. But No! We will not participate in this and I hope they reconsider after my kind email to his teacher.

I’m sorry, try not to hate me, but I had to! Haha!

 

 

 

 

And … just an FYI, these rants are not blogs as much as they are, well … rants! Just a quick humorous jot about the everyday happenings that are the result of parenting. I am the mother of a 6 yo and a 2 yo, so I will have plenty to write (bitch) about. Ha!

Posted in PPD, PPA, Postpartum, Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Anxiety, Parenting, Mother, Mom, Babies, Newborn, Uncategorized

Wellness and Motherhood Shouldn’t be an Oxymoron!

I wrote the blog below during a period of postpartum depression. It was for a writing job I applied to. It was a very difficult time in my life, and I honestly didn’t see how I could make it out. A lot has happened since those days, but here I sit at my computer listening to my little, who is just over two years old, feeling positive and hopeful, two words I would have never thought would be applied to my story ever again. I wanted to share because it can be a part of a mother’s journey, so to all who are struggling or who have struggled, here you go, you are never alone! 

For those who may not understand postpartum depression, try to imagine what should be the most beautiful moment in your life, add a traumatic birth story and a hormonal imbalance so disruptive that you don’t recognize yourself. Pair that with a support system that is just as confused as you, and a paranoid and misunderstood set of feelings so severe that you cannot reach out for fear of rejection and loss. This leads to the ultimate challenge of everything you once believed this experience of birth and motherhood to be. The feelings are so real that they feel fake, and because of that you can often fall deeper into despair. This is where I have been, but this will NOT be where I settle.

I’m reaching for a spiritual connection. I keep screaming at God, asking him why I have these challenges. Did he give them to me? Some people think God only allows what you can handle, but I don’t feel like I am handling anything well at all! I feel like a big FAT failure: failing at motherhood, failing as a wife, failing at my “career”, failing at just being me. I want to feel good again. I want to laugh more often than I cry. I want to smile. I want to wake to the sound of my children’s voices and rejoice, be grateful, and feel blessed. Instead, I feel tired, pain, resentment, and anger. When I am thinking positively I can see this is just a bridge leading to change. I have starting using essential oils, signed up for the gym, reached out to others, and transformed my kitchen to allow for clean eating, but I keep getting lost and having to start over. I know why it is so difficult and uncomfortable to be here, because I am not supposed to be. I am like the coalmine canary and I am being forced to change because my body and mind won’t allow anything other than harmony. I often become overwhelmed by the negativity; I have to keep reminding myself that one exists because of the other. I believe we couldn’t understand the two experiences so deeply if we did not have both, but am I making excuses for my negative behavior? People often say you have to choose to be positive, but sometimes I don’t feel like I have a choice. In those moments I have to try desperately to reconnect to other people, the environment, and myself.

I won’t give up! I want to give my husband and my boys back the wife and mother they deserve: the healthy women, the one that is always singing, smiling and laughing. She is patient and kind, and she is all of that because she takes care of herself and values her existence. She puts herself first, not in a selfish way, but in a way to allow herself to care for and nurture her family. This will be my journey back, a natural and clean journey where I have to dig deep and find love for myself when I feel like I am the most unlovable that I have ever been.

Posted in Uncategorized

My Very First “Mean Mama” Blog Post!

MY VERY FIRST BLOG POST! ( and just an FYI, I already wrote one and deleted it by accident,FullSizeRender because todays sucks and this is life)

 

TODAY! It’s only 9:00 am and I already feel like I could commit a crime! I am sitting here blurred vision trying to type this.  Why? NO READING GLASSES! I had five pair, but today I wake to none! 

Reason: I have children!

My oldest was PAINFUL this morning; Challenging every single cell in my body! Yes, EVERY! SINGLE! CELL! I can say that I wasn’t so patient in the end, nope … I wasn’t.

If you’re human raise your hand …. 

So here I sit in my guilt, searching Amazon for new glasses, wishing I could start over.
Luckily I did get a good one-on-one with my little on the drive to school. Even though I got that time to straighten things out, it doesn’t make me any less guilty for my lack of patients or restraint. I started ” A new” with him before he left, it’s a do-over, kinda of. Start new from this point forward, with a new thought process to change the behavior, unless the behavior continues, then the do-over is off the table and we are back to consequence (Mean Mama), but I may need to have a consequence for myself from this point forward – UGH!